The Long Island Sleuth

The Long Island Sleuth

The Truth Lies Within

If its news . . . I haven’t heard it Volume 1 Number 86

September 30, 2000

Made entirely of recycled bits & words

Environmentally friendly since late 1999

On the web at

http://1-4cav.com/sleuth/

Commentary

What Happened to the Rest of the Charmin, Mr. Whipple?

Today’s economics lesson, boys and girls, is designed to expose the sneaky, underhanded practice of downsizing products prevalent among many manufacturers. My butt gets nice and frosted(there’s a sight you don’t want to see) when I go shopping to buy one of my favorite products only to find that they have left the package the same size and decreased the quantity or amount that you get.

Those of you born prior to 1988 know that coffee once came in one pound cans. About that time, some manufacturers started decreasing the amount of coffee in the cans from 16 ounces to 13 ounces. To soothe our pain and insult our intelligence, they tried to convince us that you got the same flavor in 13 ounces as in 16 ounces. Right! And I am just as slender as a guy who is half my size only in a bigger package. Can you imagine if your boss cut your salary on the basis that your purchasing power is the same with less money since you would be in a lower tax bracket? I don’t think you would stand for that. I am not a coffee drinker, but I am sure it is not true that 13 ounces of coffee makes 16 ounces of flavor. If it were, then coffee would have always come in 13 ounce cans. I do know that if I am paying the same price and getting less, I just got hit with a price increase. And if that were true, then how is it that the 13 ounce can is now 12 ounces and some are even 10.5 or 11 ounces? If the trend continues, we may soon be buying it by the cup.

Has coffee gotten so strong that we simply have to use less? They are using that logic on bleach now that Clorox is no longer packaged in the familiar one gallon bottle. It is now available in 3 quart bottles and sold as concentrate or 2.6 quart bottles and sold as Ultra Concentrate. The Clorox people are saying that you need less. However, Consumer Reports found that even if there is no price increase and using Clorox’s recommended amounts, the cost per use is still higher. In other words, Clorox is giving you less bleach for the same price. They are trying to convince you that you are still getting the same value. Perhaps they meant to say that you can get out the same amount of coffee stains with less bleach since the coffee is weaker. I have a smirk on my face in case you are wondering.

So where would you like to go next? How about tuna fish? When I was a young Sleuth, I used to buy three cans of solid white tuna for a dollar and there was seven ounces of tuna in the solid white. Then they started selling the chunk light(which is really dark) in 6.5 ounce cans. Since the chunk light supporters felt cheated by the inequities in tuna values for the white folks, Starkist, Chicken of the Sea that they are, decided to give tuna parity to the light people and downsized the solid white to 6.5 ounces. Bumble Bee buzzed along with the crowd. Since there was no great white backlash, they further reduced the cans to 6.25 ounces. The white folks were still complacent, so they decided to shave another eighth of an ounce off and we got down to 6.125, or six-and-one-eighth ounces for the fractionally impaired among you. Since no great hue and cry was rung out throughout the land, they got even bolder and took the last eighth off and now we have six ounce cans of tuna but at least Chunk White, Chunk Light(which you recall is dark) and Solid White are now living in harmony in the same sized cans. I understand that prices sometimes have to rise but when so-called solid white tuna contains black pieces of dreck in it, I cannot forgive that. There is no excuse for the manufacturers to cut the quality of the product while sneakily increasing the price. When tuna fish shrank from seven ounces to six ounces, if the price remained the same, it would amount to a 12.5% increase. Since they have systematically raised the price and lowered the quality, the increase is too great for my cheap calculator to figure. As if this were not enough, they are allowed to give you as little as 4.5 ounces of tuna in a 6-ounce can which means that as much as 25% of what you are paying for is water or oil. Sorry Charlie, but I am switching to sushi. I’d rather switch to bait than fall for this bait and switch.

In the February 2000 issue of Consumer Reports, they examine this issue as well as short-weighting and other ripoffs. They found that as much as 50% of the contents of canned fruits and vegetables was water or juice and, with the exception of a few canned items, such as olives in brine, the manufacturers are not required to inform you of the net or dry weight of the product. I discovered this about 30 years ago when I tried Weight Watchers and had to weigh all of my food. I found that you only got eight ounces of peas in a 16-ounce can of Del Monte peas. So much for the government protecting the consumer. CR found that Del Monte canned peaches yielded about 7% more fruit than ShopRite( a store brand) but at a cost of 26% more, so it was far from a bargain. They did not study the taste so that you will have to judge for yourself.

When a manufacturer decreases the size of a product, they often leave the package the same size in order to convince you that it hasn’t changed. They are also allowed to bulk up certain products with "slackfill" which is allowed by certain federal regulations as machinery can’t always fill a package all the way and some packaged products like soda would be unsafe to fill all the way. Sometimes they use bigger boxes for better labeling or to prevent pilfering. Most of you may remember the controversy over the size of CD boxes when they first came out. A stink was raised as the boxes where twice as big as the product in order to prevent theft as the manufacturers claimed. Environmentalists were concerned about the excess waste that would clog landfills. Ironically, I haven’t heard anyone raise the same issue when a computer program costing from $25 to several hundreds of dollars is packed in a very large box which is in direct proportion to the price in order to make it appear that you are getting something substantial when, in fact, all you are getting is one or two CDS that can fit very nicely into a small box, thank you.

So after you have digested all of this downsized food, you are going to need to use toilet paper. A few years ago I began to notice that the rolls were getting thinner as I had a unique toilet paper holder that had two spring-loaded clips on either side, eliminating the pesky spring roller in the middle that is the more common system. I noticed that some brands that once fit that device were now falling out of it as they were getting narrower. How odd, I thought to myself as I was not in the habit in those days of discussing toilet paper dimensions as I am today. Now, all of a sudden, the toilet paper conspirators have banded together and decided to make the rolls even smaller by dropping the number of sheets from 260 to 200. This represents a 23% decrease in the number of sheets, and a proportionate increase in price. My father, who is a retired crank, called the toilet paper people to complain, however, they assured him that the 200 sheet rolls have the same wiping power as the 260 sheet rolls, hence there is no decrease. If I could still find a 260-sheet roll, I would gladly do a wiping power trial for you to test that assumption, but alas, they have all swiftly jumped on the bandwagon and gone to the more efficient size. In order to keep us comfortable and to fool the wiping public, they have increased the circumference of the toilet paper roll so we would not notice the difference. I can tell you that I have to change rolls more frequently while my bowel movement ratio has remained constant. So unless I have been eating in a lot of cheap Mexican restaurants, someone is shiting me here. Yoquero Taco Bell. You can at least take comfort in the fact that they still make double rolls of 400 sheets(formerly 520 sheets) which are really 1.5X rolls masquerading as doubles.

So that concludes our evaluation of the legal methods of ripping you off. I would be remiss in my capacity as your Sleuth du jour if I did not pass on some of the illegal stuff that I have uncovered in thoroughly researching this topic for you. By the way, I read the article while I was in the toilet. I would have conducted a great deal more research on the topic, but I ran out of toilet paper in the middle. While I am on the subject, who is the clown who invented that black plastic 10,000 sheet Scott toilet tissue dispenser that they use in McDonald’s and other public places? The stuff is so thin that you can’t tear off more than a few sheets at a time. To add insult to injury, they put it so low to the floor that you can hardly reach it when you have the runs and are forced to use Mickey D’s McCrapper with nothing to read. Or so I’ve heard. Bring me that person’s head so I can mount it on my trophy wall next to the toilet paper dispenser.

According to the Fair Packaging and Labeling Act, if a manufacturer puts less in a package than the package declares, then he is breaking the law and should be put into a cell with eight people that is clearly labeled to hold only three. Ok, I made that last part up but you can look up the rest in the aforementioned Consumer Reports.

In 1997 federal inspectors checked the juice and milk sold at retail and to schools and institutions in 20 states. This was in order to see if they were getting the milk that we were paying for. More than 1,600 lots were tested with 40% failing. Shortages ran as high as 6%. In later tests, 19% failed. Hy Point Dairy Farms, Delaware’s largest, was recently barred from federal contracts for three years for repeated violations. Hy Point sent empty containers to prisons and half-pint containers to schools that were a teaspoon or two short. It may not sound like much, but it is milk that we taxpayers are paying for and less nutrition for our children. According to Hy Point’s lawyer, they are taking steps to rectify the situation.

In 1996 Marcia Baker of Redding California needed 2 ½ cups (20 ounces) of ketchup for a recipe. Her husband bought a 20-ounce bottle of Heinz Ketchup and they came up short on the number of cups. Thinking they were measuring wrong, they called the local authorities for help in translating the ounces on the bottle into cups. The Weights and Measures officials got their own ketchup and found it was short as well.

The case, which is now being settled in Calif., had ramifications as far away as Philadelphia, which fined the H.J. Heinz Company, $11,000. In addition, 80,000 bottles which were short by as much as 1 5/8 ounces, were ordered off the shelves. According to Heinz vice president Ted Smith, the problem stemmed from "unanticipated moisture loss from recyclable plastic bottles." If they had anticipated this moisture loss, they could have added more wiping power. Now they overfill their bottles(read "add more water") in order to compensate, except in the green ketchup where they add more slime.

Last year the Justice Department and several states filled cases against Walgreens and Eckerd Drugs charging that they short-filled prescriptions for recipients of Medicaid and other federal programs. If they ran out of a drug, the pharmacist might dispense only half the amount and tell the patient to return while billing the government for the full amount. If the patient did not return, they pocketed the difference. "Walgreens was accused of short-filling 4 million Medicaid prescriptions and overcharging by $21 million. Admitting to no wrongdoing, the company settled with the government and 25 states paying $7.6 million. The Eckerd case is pending in federal courts and in Florida; the chain settled with Tennessee. Eckerd said it was cooperating with investigators."

Can you imagine that? Walgreens rips us off for $21 million and gets to keep almost two-thirds of it while admitting no wrongdoing. And, apparently, they can continue doing business with the government. The Hy Point people shorted some prisoners and school children out of a few teaspoons of milk and they were at least barred from federal contracts for three years. And they have the nerve to call themselves the Department of Justice. I guess those campaign contributions really do pay off.

I hope that I have enlightened you as well as well as entertained. I can recommend a few safeguards that I hope you will employ as vigilant consumers. First and foremost, always count your pills when you have a prescription filled. I know it can be tedious, but with the pressure on pharmacists to produce, even honest mistakes can be made. When you are refilling a prescription, always make sure that the refill pills are the same shape, size and color as the originals. Sometimes they will change because the pharmacy substituted a different manufacturer of a generic drug. If you see a difference, ask. It is better to be safe than sorry.

I don’t know about you, but as for me, I am starting my own little protest against this rampant downsizing. I am boycotting these products in order to send a clear message to the manufacturers that I am "Mad as hell and not going to take this any more." From now on you can call me by my Native American name, "Wipes With Leaves."

And THAT was my two cents plain,

Irvmeister

Meisterzingers

The Children’s Bill of Rights

MOMS ARE SMARTER...

My son came home from school one day, with a silly grin on his face, He thought he was smarter than me, his Mom, and could put me in my place.

HE SAID:
Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright,
It's about the laws of the land today,
its called THE CHILDREN'S BILL OF RIGHTS.

IT SAID:
I don't have to clean my room,
I don't have to cut my hair.
Nobody can tell me what to eat,
My freedom of speech is guaranteed.
Its my choice of what I read, or watch on TV.

I have freedom of religion,
and regardless of what you say,
I don't have to ask your God for help ---
I DON'T HAVE TO PRAY.

I can wear an earring in my ear,
And, if I want, can pierce my nose.
It's my choice if I so desire,
to tattoo Satan's numbers across my toes.

AND if you try to spank me,
I will charge you with the crime,
and I can back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.

HE SAID:
Don't ever touch me,
this body is only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses and stuff,
that's just another form of child abuse.

HE CONTINUED WITH:
Don't fill my head with morals,
like your mama did to you,
That's what's called mind control,
And it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights,
you can't do a thing to me,
I can call Children's Services,
better known as C. S. D.

MY TURN!!!!

My very first impression was,
to toss this boy out the door,
But here was a chance to teach him a lesson,
for once and ever more.

I took my time and mulled it over,
I couldn't let this go.
This kid of mine didn't realize,
that he was messing with a pro!

AND AWAY WE GO.............
The next day we went shopping,
and in spite of every plea,
I didn't buy him 501s
or shirts designed by Nike.

I had called and talked to C. S. D.,
they said they didn't care,
if I bought him K-Mart shoes,
or a pair of Nike Airs.

AND THEN:
I canceled his appointment
to test his driving skills,
I'd probably be dead by now,
if only looks could kill!

I SAID:
There's no time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch,
I think you should follow C. S. D.'s advice,
And make yourself a sack lunch.

So, what if you are too hungry,
to wait 'til dinner time?
Well, we're having liver and onions,
Cause it's a favorite dish of mine.

He ASKED:Can we stop to get a movie,
so I can watch it on the VCR?
Absolutely not! I sold the TV in your room
and bought new tires for my car.

I also rented out your room,
you really don't need a bed.
C.S.D. says all that's required of me
is to put a roof over your head.

I only have to buy your clothes,
and the food that you must eat,
The money you used to get for an allowance,
will buy me something neat.

No more eating after we shop,
no more joking along the way,
I too have a BILL OF RIGHTS,
that goes into effect today!

What's the matter, are you crying?
Are you down on your knees?
Why are you asking God for help?.........
WHY NOT CALL THE C.S.D.?
Thanks to Virginia Pratt of Kilumall, Texas for Sleuthing this one out for us.

Happy Rosh Hashonah

To all my friends of the Jewish persuasion(and what did it take to persuade you, might I inquire?) a very Happy and Healthy New Year, L’Shana Tovah Feldshuh(whatever the heck that means) and may you get to drive all year long so that you can always be the chauffeur as you know what happens to him at this time of year. Look, if you want PC subscribe to PBS. But seriously folks, Health and Happiness to you and yours throughout the New Year and beyond!