Serious
Humor
THE TRUTH LIESWITHIN
May 7, 2005 Volume I Issue 233
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friendly since late 1999
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entirely of recycled bits & words
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Commentary
A
few times in the past I have written about the ongoing rip-off
of consumers which I have called downsizing. In essence, it
is when a manufacturer raises the price of his product in
a sneaky manner by giving you less of the product for the
same money. Sometimes, substantially less. We have seen this
phenomenon occur in such diverse products as tuna fish, coffee,
spaghetti sauce, bleach, and toilet paper. In fact, it was
toilet paper’s downsizing from 260-280 sheets per roll to
200 sheets that inspired, "What Happened to the Rest
of the Charmin, Mr. Whipple?" (http://www.lisleuth.com/backissues/1-86.htm)
The thing
that I find intriguing is that the manufacturers actually
attempt to justify these blatant rip-offs by stating that
the newer, smaller sized product is just as good as the old
product and is, in fact, better as it is giving you the same
or more product but in a smaller size. So, Maxwell House Coffee
claimed
that 13 oz. of their coffee now had the same amount of "coffee
flavor" as the old 16 oz. can. And the new Clorox Ultra
Bleach is so concentrated that you will actually use less
in the 96 oz. version of their bleach than you did in the
old 128 oz. non ultra version. My dad was so incensed when
Northern Bathroom tissue went from 260 sheets per roll to
only 200 that he called the company up to complain. They actually
had the nerve to tell him that since the new toilet paper
was new and improved (an impossible situation, by the way,
if you stop to think about it) that the 200 sheets will actually
wipe as many assess as the old 260 sheet roll. Apparently
Northern was able to apply technology to toilet tissue and
dramatically increase the wiping power per sheet. And you
thought they were just getting stingier with the paper.
But, if
we are to believe these feeble explanations, then why do they
go to so much trouble to disguise the fact that they are giving
you less? Tuna fish and Ragu spaghetti sauce all come in similar
sized containers as when they were seven and 32 oz respectively
as their new six and 26 oz containers. Toilet paper manufacturers
have not only given you fewer sheets per roll but they have
also made the sheets smaller and the cardboard cylinder in
the center bigger to compensate. I only discovered that fact
by accident. You
see, many years ago, my late wife bought a fancy toilet paper
holder that instead of relying on a springy thing in the center,
it had two spring loaded pegs on the outside that held the
toilet paper roll between them. I could not for the life of
my figure out why it was that the named brand toilet papers
would not fit in this roller and would fall out while the
store brands fit just fine. That is, until I put the rolls
side by side and notice that the advertised brands had a narrower
roll and a wider cardboard tube in the center to give it the
same appearance as the store brand, which still had 280 sheets,
albeit less wiping power. If their motivation is so benevolent
for the consumer, then why do they have to go to such lengths
to make sure we don’t notice?
I’ll bet
few of you have noticed that Coke has come out with a new
size, a liter-and-half bottle. At 50.7 oz. as opposed to 67.6
oz. in the traditional two-liter bottle, they are fully 33%
more expensive at the same price. The other day, I was in
Pathmark and they had one of those big Coke displays. On one
side of the display were 1.5 liter bottles of Coke and Sprite
at .89 and, on the other side was the two-liter versions at
.99. Now which would you rather buy? And yet Coke has the
audacity to term the new bottles, "Easy Pour." Yes,
I am so glad that they finally came out with a bottle size
that is so much easier to pour than those clumsy two-liter
bargain soda bottles. BTW, for you folks in the Mid west,
soda is called pop where you live. So, Coke is giving you
less of a pop for your buck. The real truth is that soda,
like so many other products, has become a commodity. Now there
are die-hard Coke drinkers
who will never touch a Pepsi and vice versa, but a great many
of the soda drinkers make their decision by price. It is no
accident that each soda goes on sale in alternate weeks and
when there are competing supermarket chains, they have alternate
brands on sale in the same week. So, when Pepsi is on sale
in Pathmark, Waldbaum’s, a competing supermarket chain, has
Coke on sale. And the next week, they reverse it.
When you
invent a new product and there is a demand for it, you have
what is termed in the marketplace, pricing power. If a product
has a high demand, you can charge whatever the traffic will
bear. So, when Coke and Pepsi were new products, they only
had to get people to try the product and like it to create
demand. But, once competition steps in, you become a commodity.
There really is not a great deal of difference between Wendy’s,
Burger King, and McDonald’s. They all are in the fast food
business and sell primarily hamburgers. But, they try to distinguish
their products by advertising and marketing. So, Burger King
implies that they will customize your burger so you can "Have
it your way." Wendy’s claim that it does not make it’s
"hot and juicy" hamburgers ahead of time,
so it is hot and fresh when you order it. And McDonald’s gives
away a lot of crap with their Happy Meals to get your kids
to bug you to take them there. Once you are in a highly competitive
commodities business, you lose pricing power as competition
drives prices down. You win that game by supplying the low-cost
alternative. So businesses like fast food companies cultivate
the image that they are not in a commodity business by using
clever marketing to distinguish what they sell from their
competitors. Apparently, it works.
Another
way that they have devised to increase their pricing power,
and increase their profits, is by subtle downsizing. If you
can buy Pepsi for 99 cents, you may balk at buying
Coke for $1.39 on the shelf. But if they are both 99 cents,
they may appear to be equals, even when Coke is giving you
a half a liter less for your money. That is how they increase
their prices without actually seeming to have a hand in the
business. I personally think it is outrageous and that the
public should vote with their feet, but who listens to me,
anyway?
Now, the
latest product to hit the downsizing wave is an old favorite,
ice cream. As of the last week or so, I have not been able
to find any more half gallons of ice cream in any of three
or four supermarket chains that I have surveyed. They have
left the planet. They have been replaced by packaging that
looks suspiciously a lot like the old half gallon but instead,
contains from 48 to 56 oz. of ice cream.
Last week Pathmark had Edy’s Ice Cream on sale at three for
$5.00. In small print it read 56-64 oz. So, one would think
that there still was a half gallon size to be had, but alas,
the closest they came was 1.75 liters. The half gallon has
gone the way of the dinosaur. Only Pathmark’s own brand is
still being sold in the half gallon size. They held out for
a long time with the bleach as well but eventually they downsized
their own brands as well. So, since the store brands are manufactured
by the name brand companies, once they use up all of the half
gallon containers you can bet your britches that you will
be seeing less ice cream there as well.
When Edy’s was
on sale at three for $5, it was still $1.99 per half gallon,
which is not too bad a price these days, but like most people,
I was initially attracted to the sale because I
thought I would be getting three half gallons at $1.67 per.
Only on close inspection did I realize that none were to be
had at 64 oz. The other brands have followed suit as well.
But, this didn’t happen over night. It was gradually phased
in. It started a few years ago with Breyer’s. They introduced
their Candy Shoppe flavors with Snickers, Milky Way, etc.
at 48 oz, a full pint short of a half gallon. Soon the other
manufacturers followed suit until eventually they were able
to reduce the size of all of their packages. They gradually
weaned the public off of the half gallon size. I’ll wager
that most of you never noticed unless, of course, you actually
do only take a half cup serving when you sit down to eat ice
cream.
Another
product that has gotten away with this is Crystal Light. A
few years ago, Crystal Light, which always came in eight quart
and 12 quart packages, started introducing new flavors in
a six and 10 quart package or 25% less product for the same
price. Now, I have been a fan of Ruby Red Grapefruit Crystal
Light ever since it came own the market. It is a wonderful
citrus drink that mixes well with other flavors. Yet, for
the past two years it has been harder and harder to find.
In the last month, I found out why. About a year ago, Crystal
Light introduced a new flavor called Sunrise,
which it was marketing as an orange flavored substitute for
orange juice. Being low in calories and sugar, it was well
poised to take advantage of the low carb craze that has since
come and gone. As has been their policy, the Sunrise Orange flavor comes
in six quarts rather than the eight that other older flavors
come in. Of course, you wouldn’t know that by looking at the
package as the six-quart size is exactly the same container
as the eight-quart one. The same is true with the ten and
twelve quart sizes as well. I recently learned why Ruby Red
was not available for so long. They recently reintroduced
it as "New Sunrise Ruby Red Grapefruit."
Naturally, it was a six quart and not the old eight quart
container, a decrease of 25% of the product and a price increase
of 33%. I guess they figured that after two years, the public,
with such short memories, would forget there ever was an eight-quart
Ruby Red Grapefruit Crystal Light. They didn’t count on this
elephant remembering.
Fortunately, I found a small grocery chain called Produce
Warehouse that still had Ruby Red Grapefruit Crystal Light
in eight quart packages. And, when it went on sale last week,
I bought all they had. Perhaps I have a Crystal Light Ruby
Red Grapefruit monkey on my back.
The last time I was able to score that was
last year when I bought 41 packages from two Pathmark stores.
And the manager had the nerve to tell me there wasn’t much
call for it. Maybe not to the public at large but, like Ralph
Kramden with the Helpless Housewife’s Helpless Helper, all
they had to do was let me know they had it and it flew off
the shelves. I may not even drink all of it as, like fine
wines and collectibles, it just might get more valuable with
age.
And
THAT, was my two-cents plain!
Irvmeister
the
artist formerly known as
Meisterzingers
See
Alice First
My dad,
the inimitable Max Eisenberg, loves those commercials for
Levitra, the new erectile
dysfunction
pill that is trying to steal Viagra’s thunder. In the disclaimer
at the end of the commercial, the announcer states that "in
the event your erection lasts more than four hours, call your
doctor." Without fail, my dad immediately chimes in every
time, "Screw the doctor, I am calling every hooker I
know." As he is 83 and still spry, is it wishful thinking
on his part or, a genuine threat to society? You be the judge.
I do see his point though I wouldn’t rule out screwing the
doctor for a change either.
More
Bad News for Ionic Air Cleaners
I recently
reported in an update on the ubiquitous and virtually worthless
Ionic Breeze Quadra "air cleaner" by Sharper Image.
You may recall that a California court dismissed their lawsuit
against Consumer Reports and its parent company, Consumer’s
Union, and ordered Sharper Image to pay $525,000 in legal
fees as they presented no evidence to counter CR’s tests which
prove the machines to be relatively useless as far as air
cleaners go.
To make
matters worse, the May 2005 issue of Consumer Reports includes
an investigation into some health concerns with these air
cleaners. It seems that not only do they not filter air and
rid it of most of what they claim to, but in addition, they
produce dangerous levels of ozone. The stuff that protects
us in the upper atmosphere from burning to a crisp, at lower
altitudes can have some serious health consequences. Exposure
to 80 ppb of ozone for eight hours or more can cause "coughing,
wheezing, and chest pain while worsening asthma and deadening
your sense of smell. It also raises sensitivity to pollen,
mold, and other respiratory triggers, and may cause permanent
lung damage." CR recommends that if you own one of the
five tested Not Recommended models of ionizing air cleaner
(Brookstone Pure-ion, Sharper Image Professional Series Ionic
Breeze Quadra S1737 SNX, Ionic Pro CL-369, IonizAir P4620,
Surround Air XJ-2000) that you contact the manufacturer about
getting a refund. They plan a full air cleaner report later
this year.
Oh, and
one more note. You know those endorsements that these air
cleaners carry, from such august bodies as the Asthma and
Allergy Foundation of America and the British Allergy Foundation.
They are nothing more than highly paid endorsements that the
manufacturers have forked over big bucks to obtain. And the
so-called research that
they boast about in their ads was funded by the manufacturers
themselves. Would it surprise you to learn that some of the
board members on these Foundations are highly paid consultants
to the same manufacturers claiming their products work? It
seems that no matter how far we come in this country, it is
still a case of Caveat Emptor.
I just
wonder when the Federal Trade Commission, the FDA and the
other regulatory bodies responsible for overseeing the safety
and well being of the public are going to get off of their
fat, corporate shilling butts and start standing up for the
American people who, in the end, pay their salaries. I’ll
keep you posted as soon as I get the weather reports about
that sudden frost in hell.
Letters to the
Editor
Re: I Want it NOW!
I`m
so glad you`re back, I`ve missed your e-zine. I`m also glad
your therapy, or at least one, is done.
Is your dr. gonna let you take up residence next to the PT?
That is an excellent idea.:-)
I really like this issue, I like it when you take
people down memory lane.
Take care my friend and thanks for putting my email
with "your ones to read." That was very nice of
you.:-) Hope CheyAnna`s friend gets better soon.
Linda, ID
You are
quite welcome. I know we have been writing less frequently
than in the past but of course, we have some really good excuses.
I have asked the doctor about renting a room in the place
but he has too many partners to get on board with the idea.
Since you were so happy to be in the Letters to the Editor
column, you not only made it for the second time in a row,
but I even gave you the top spot. (-Ed.)
Irv,
Your
tongue-in-cheek humor starts my day off with a smile.
My niece married a nice Jewish boy and their children
think they have the best of all possible worlds. They celebrate
Hanukkah and Passover at home, then go down the street to
Grandma and Grandpa's house to see what Santa Claus and the
Easter bunny brought to them.
LaVonne
Glad
we could start you off with a smile. I find that hard to do
when my tongue is in my cheek. Glad your niece found a "nice
Jewish boy" because the other kind are not nice to nieces.
My kids had the same deal, though the Jewish side of my ex
wife’s always tried to one up us. That can certainly back
fire on you. My kids used to try to identify other kid’s religions
by asking them "Are you Christmas or Hanukkah?"
Thankfully, they outgrew that. (-Ed.)
‘'She
was gonna be an actress, and I was gonna learn to fly'.............
I just
wanted you to know that I got the reference. LOL
I sure
do miss the email version....
AlbertA
Phillips, MI
You were
the only one. Good for you. My late, fellow Long Islander,
Harry Chapin, would be pleased. Of course, he flew off the
Long Island Expressway in 1980 and into a semi. Life imitating
his art? (-Ed.)
I
started reading your latest two-cents worth, but it took too
long.
B. S. Pyle,
TX
Perhaps
that is because I give you a lot more than two cents worth
but for a lot less. I tell you what, if you like, I will call
you up and read it to you. This way you can multitask and
get the best of all worlds. (-Ed.)
WebMaster's Corner
Regardless of your position on the
war:
Please
Editor's Note for
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But if you forget, you can always use a search engine to look for "Long Island Sleuth" or "Irvmeister" and you will get our web page address.
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May 7, 2005 Meister Enterprises
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