Serious Humor
 

THE TRUTH LIESWITHIN

May 7, 2005   Volume I  Issue 233

Environmentally friendly since late 1999

Made entirely of recycled bits & words 

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Commentary

A few times in the past I have written about the ongoing rip-off of consumers which I have called downsizing. In essence, it is when a manufacturer raises the price of his product in a sneaky manner by giving you less of the product for the same money. Sometimes, substantially less. We have seen this phenomenon occur in such diverse products as tuna fish, coffee, spaghetti sauce, bleach, and toilet paper. In fact, it was toilet paper’s downsizing from 260-280 sheets per roll to 200 sheets that inspired, "What Happened to the Rest of the Charmin, Mr. Whipple?" (http://www.lisleuth.com/backissues/1-86.htm)

The thing that I find intriguing is that the manufacturers actually attempt to justify these blatant rip-offs by stating that the newer, smaller sized product is just as good as the old product and is, in fact, better as it is giving you the same or more product but in a smaller size. So, Maxwell House Coffee claimed that 13 oz. of their coffee now had the same amount of "coffee flavor" as the old 16 oz. can. And the new Clorox Ultra Bleach is so concentrated that you will actually use less in the 96 oz. version of their bleach than you did in the old 128 oz. non ultra version. My dad was so incensed when Northern Bathroom tissue went from 260 sheets per roll to only 200 that he called the company up to complain. They actually had the nerve to tell him that since the new toilet paper was new and improved (an impossible situation, by the way, if you stop to think about it) that the 200 sheets will actually wipe as many assess as the old 260 sheet roll. Apparently Northern was able to apply technology to toilet tissue and dramatically increase the wiping power per sheet. And you thought they were just getting stingier with the paper.

But, if we are to believe these feeble explanations, then why do they go to so much trouble to disguise the fact that they are giving you less? Tuna fish and Ragu spaghetti sauce all come in similar sized containers as when they were seven and 32 oz respectively as their new six and 26 oz containers. Toilet paper manufacturers have not only given you fewer sheets per roll but they have also made the sheets smaller and the cardboard cylinder in the center bigger to compensate. I only discovered that fact by accident. You see, many years ago, my late wife bought a fancy toilet paper holder that instead of relying on a springy thing in the center, it had two spring loaded pegs on the outside that held the toilet paper roll between them. I could not for the life of my figure out why it was that the named brand toilet papers would not fit in this roller and would fall out while the store brands fit just fine. That is, until I put the rolls side by side and notice that the advertised brands had a narrower roll and a wider cardboard tube in the center to give it the same appearance as the store brand, which still had 280 sheets, albeit less wiping power. If their motivation is so benevolent for the consumer, then why do they have to go to such lengths to make sure we don’t notice?

I’ll bet few of you have noticed that Coke has come out with a new size, a liter-and-half bottle. At 50.7 oz. as opposed to 67.6 oz. in the traditional two-liter bottle, they are fully 33% more expensive at the same price. The other day, I was in Pathmark and they had one of those big Coke displays. On one side of the display were 1.5 liter bottles of Coke and Sprite at .89 and, on the other side was the two-liter versions at .99. Now which would you rather buy? And yet Coke has the audacity to term the new bottles, "Easy Pour." Yes, I am so glad that they finally came out with a bottle size that is so much easier to pour than those clumsy two-liter bargain soda bottles. BTW, for you folks in the Mid west, soda is called pop where you live. So, Coke is giving you less of a pop for your buck. The real truth is that soda, like so many other products, has become a commodity. Now there are die-hard Coke drinkers who will never touch a Pepsi and vice versa, but a great many of the soda drinkers make their decision by price. It is no accident that each soda goes on sale in alternate weeks and when there are competing supermarket chains, they have alternate brands on sale in the same week. So, when Pepsi is on sale in Pathmark, Waldbaum’s, a competing supermarket chain, has Coke on sale. And the next week, they reverse it.

When you invent a new product and there is a demand for it, you have what is termed in the marketplace, pricing power. If a product has a high demand, you can charge whatever the traffic will bear. So, when Coke and Pepsi were new products, they only had to get people to try the product and like it to create demand. But, once competition steps in, you become a commodity. There really is not a great deal of difference between Wendy’s, Burger King, and McDonald’s. They all are in the fast food business and sell primarily hamburgers. But, they try to distinguish their products by advertising and marketing. So, Burger King implies that they will customize your burger so you can "Have it your way." Wendy’s claim that it does not make it’s "hot and juicy" hamburgers ahead of time, so it is hot and fresh when you order it. And McDonald’s gives away a lot of crap with their Happy Meals to get your kids to bug you to take them there. Once you are in a highly competitive commodities business, you lose pricing power as competition drives prices down. You win that game by supplying the low-cost alternative. So businesses like fast food companies cultivate the image that they are not in a commodity business by using clever marketing to distinguish what they sell from their competitors. Apparently, it works.

Another way that they have devised to increase their pricing power, and increase their profits, is by subtle downsizing. If you can buy Pepsi for 99 cents, you may balk at buying Coke for $1.39 on the shelf. But if they are both 99 cents, they may appear to be equals, even when Coke is giving you a half a liter less for your money. That is how they increase their prices without actually seeming to have a hand in the business. I personally think it is outrageous and that the public should vote with their feet, but who listens to me, anyway?

Now, the latest product to hit the downsizing wave is an old favorite, ice cream. As of the last week or so, I have not been able to find any more half gallons of ice cream in any of three or four supermarket chains that I have surveyed. They have left the planet. They have been replaced by packaging that looks suspiciously a lot like the old half gallon but instead, contains from 48 to 56 oz. of ice cream. Last week Pathmark had Edy’s Ice Cream on sale at three for $5.00. In small print it read 56-64 oz. So, one would think that there still was a half gallon size to be had, but alas, the closest they came was 1.75 liters. The half gallon has gone the way of the dinosaur. Only Pathmark’s own brand is still being sold in the half gallon size. They held out for a long time with the bleach as well but eventually they downsized their own brands as well. So, since the store brands are manufactured by the name brand companies, once they use up all of the half gallon containers you can bet your britches that you will be seeing less ice cream there as well.

When Edy’s was on sale at three for $5, it was still $1.99 per half gallon, which is not too bad a price these days, but like most people, I was initially attracted to the sale because I thought I would be getting three half gallons at $1.67 per. Only on close inspection did I realize that none were to be had at 64 oz. The other brands have followed suit as well. But, this didn’t happen over night. It was gradually phased in. It started a few years ago with Breyer’s. They introduced their Candy Shoppe flavors with Snickers, Milky Way, etc. at 48 oz, a full pint short of a half gallon. Soon the other manufacturers followed suit until eventually they were able to reduce the size of all of their packages. They gradually weaned the public off of the half gallon size. I’ll wager that most of you never noticed unless, of course, you actually do only take a half cup serving when you sit down to eat ice cream.

Another product that has gotten away with this is Crystal Light. A few years ago, Crystal Light, which always came in eight quart and 12 quart packages, started introducing new flavors in a six and 10 quart package or 25% less product for the same price. Now, I have been a fan of Ruby Red Grapefruit Crystal Light ever since it came own the market. It is a wonderful citrus drink that mixes well with other flavors. Yet, for the past two years it has been harder and harder to find. In the last month, I found out why. About a year ago, Crystal Light introduced a new flavor called Sunrise, which it was marketing as an orange flavored substitute for orange juice. Being low in calories and sugar, it was well poised to take advantage of the low carb craze that has since come and gone. As has been their policy, the Sunrise Orange flavor comes in six quarts rather than the eight that other older flavors come in. Of course, you wouldn’t know that by looking at the package as the six-quart size is exactly the same container as the eight-quart one. The same is true with the ten and twelve quart sizes as well. I recently learned why Ruby Red was not available for so long. They recently reintroduced it as "New Sunrise Ruby Red Grapefruit." Naturally, it was a six quart and not the old eight quart container, a decrease of 25% of the product and a price increase of 33%. I guess they figured that after two years, the public, with such short memories, would forget there ever was an eight-quart Ruby Red Grapefruit Crystal Light. They didn’t count on this elephant remembering. Fortunately, I found a small grocery chain called Produce Warehouse that still had Ruby Red Grapefruit Crystal Light in eight quart packages. And, when it went on sale last week, I bought all they had. Perhaps I have a Crystal Light Ruby Red Grapefruit monkey on my back. The last time I was able to score that was last year when I bought 41 packages from two Pathmark stores. And the manager had the nerve to tell me there wasn’t much call for it. Maybe not to the public at large but, like Ralph Kramden with the Helpless Housewife’s Helpless Helper, all they had to do was let me know they had it and it flew off the shelves. I may not even drink all of it as, like fine wines and collectibles, it just might get more valuable with age.

 

And THAT, was my two-cents plain!

Irvmeister

the artist formerly known as

 


Meisterzingers

See Alice First

My dad, the inimitable Max Eisenberg, loves those commercials for Levitra, the new erectile

 

 

dysfunction pill that is trying to steal Viagra’s thunder. In the disclaimer at the end of the commercial, the announcer states that "in the event your erection lasts more than four hours, call your doctor." Without fail, my dad immediately chimes in every time, "Screw the doctor, I am calling every hooker I know." As he is 83 and still spry, is it wishful thinking on his part or, a genuine threat to society? You be the judge. I do see his point though I wouldn’t rule out screwing the doctor for a change either.


More Bad News for Ionic Air Cleaners

I recently reported in an update on the ubiquitous and virtually worthless Ionic Breeze Quadra "air cleaner" by Sharper Image. You may recall that a California court dismissed their lawsuit against Consumer Reports and its parent company, Consumer’s Union, and ordered Sharper Image to pay $525,000 in legal fees as they presented no evidence to counter CR’s tests which prove the machines to be relatively useless as far as air cleaners go.

To make matters worse, the May 2005 issue of Consumer Reports includes an investigation into some health concerns with these air cleaners. It seems that not only do they not filter air and rid it of most of what they claim to, but in addition, they produce dangerous levels of ozone. The stuff that protects us in the upper atmosphere from burning to a crisp, at lower altitudes can have some serious health consequences. Exposure to 80 ppb of ozone for eight hours or more can cause "coughing, wheezing, and chest pain while worsening asthma and deadening your sense of smell. It also raises sensitivity to pollen, mold, and other respiratory triggers, and may cause permanent lung damage." CR recommends that if you own one of the five tested Not Recommended models of ionizing air cleaner (Brookstone Pure-ion, Sharper Image Professional Series Ionic Breeze Quadra S1737 SNX, Ionic Pro CL-369, IonizAir P4620, Surround Air XJ-2000) that you contact the manufacturer about getting a refund. They plan a full air cleaner report later this year.

Oh, and one more note. You know those endorsements that these air cleaners carry, from such august bodies as the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America and the British Allergy Foundation. They are nothing more than highly paid endorsements that the manufacturers have forked over big bucks to obtain. And the so-called research that they boast about in their ads was funded by the manufacturers themselves. Would it surprise you to learn that some of the board members on these Foundations are highly paid consultants to the same manufacturers claiming their products work? It seems that no matter how far we come in this country, it is still a case of Caveat Emptor.

I just wonder when the Federal Trade Commission, the FDA and the other regulatory bodies responsible for overseeing the safety and well being of the public are going to get off of their fat, corporate shilling butts and start standing up for the American people who, in the end, pay their salaries. I’ll keep you posted as soon as I get the weather reports about that sudden frost in hell.

 

 


Letters to the Editor

 

Re: I Want it NOW!

I`m so glad you`re back, I`ve missed your e-zine. I`m also glad your therapy, or at least one, is done. Is your dr. gonna let you take up residence next to the PT? That is an excellent idea.:-)

I really like this issue, I like it when you take people down memory lane.

Take care my friend and thanks for putting my email with "your ones to read." That was very nice of you.:-) Hope CheyAnna`s friend gets better soon.

Linda, ID

You are quite welcome. I know we have been writing less frequently than in the past but of course, we have some really good excuses. I have asked the doctor about renting a room in the place but he has too many partners to get on board with the idea. Since you were so happy to be in the Letters to the Editor column, you not only made it for the second time in a row, but I even gave you the top spot. (-Ed.)


 Irv,

Your tongue-in-cheek humor starts my day off with a smile.
My niece married a nice Jewish boy and their children think they have the best of all possible worlds. They celebrate Hanukkah and Passover at home, then go down the street to Grandma and Grandpa's house to see what Santa Claus and the Easter bunny brought to them.

LaVonne

Glad we could start you off with a smile. I find that hard to do when my tongue is in my cheek. Glad your niece found a "nice Jewish boy" because the other kind are not nice to nieces. My kids had the same deal, though the Jewish side of my ex wife’s always tried to one up us. That can certainly back fire on you. My kids used to try to identify other kid’s religions by asking them "Are you Christmas or Hanukkah?" Thankfully, they outgrew that. (-Ed.)


'She was gonna be an actress, and I was gonna learn to fly'.............

I just wanted you to know that I got the reference. LOL

I sure do miss the email version....

AlbertA Phillips, MI

You were the only one. Good for you. My late, fellow Long Islander, Harry Chapin, would be pleased. Of course, he flew off the Long Island Expressway in 1980 and into a semi. Life imitating his art? (-Ed.)


I started reading your latest two-cents worth, but it took too long.

B. S. Pyle, TX

 

Perhaps that is because I give you a lot more than two cents worth but for a lot less. I tell you what, if you like, I will call you up and read it to you. This way you can multitask and get the best of all worlds. (-Ed.)


WebMaster's Corner

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